i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
