he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
