after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
