I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
