Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
