I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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