Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize