So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
