I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
