I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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