Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
