I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
