I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
