i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
