i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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