I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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