You're completely useless in the revolution.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
