And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
