Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
