we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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