i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
