I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
