im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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