she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
