Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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