I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
is it fun? or sober?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
