you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You were trust falling into bushes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
