so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
