I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
