You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
