it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize