highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize