Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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