Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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