he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said her name was "party"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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