If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
