??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
