How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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