whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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