I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize