Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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