Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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