Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
