I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
