this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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