i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
