why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
