Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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