I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
