You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
