listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
