Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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