So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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