your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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