erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
