Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
