He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize