so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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