Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
