I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
