Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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