There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
