I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
