I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Randomize
