You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
