Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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