I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
