i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
