turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
