She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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