I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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