Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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