so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
